It is so easy to feel stuck; to feel like you are fated to remain where you are, how you are — forever. But it’s just not true. And the reality is, that change begins in the smallest of moments.
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Change begins with realizing that your life is
directed by the choices you make, large and small.
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For a long time, I felt like my life was guided by a force much greater than myself, and I trusted it wholeheartedly. I’d simply listen to the instructions I received from Creator and walk the path with as much courage as I could muster as it unfolded before me. And then something happened — it just kind of stopped. It really began for me last Summer while I was living out my life-long dream of traveling cross-country, teaching and wildcrafting and visiting friends and lovers along the way. I had wanted this for so long that I hadn’t bothered to imagine anything else that came after. And so, paradoxically, I became quite depressed. Because what are you supposed to do once you’ve lived your dreams? The answer was not clear to me. While the linear and obvious choice might be to simply dream a new dream, such visions are not easy to come by, but must instead be nurtured into being from a world beyond this one. So I felt empty after my trip ended, not elated as I’d hoped. I was totally uncertain of what might come next.
I have tattoos on my fingers, and only my fingers. Each symbol was etched in my skin by hand beneath a Full Moon. The tattoos were part of an ongoing ritual meant to sow the seeds of my life’s vision in the fertile fields of my flesh, where they could take root and grow on their own — bearing flowers, then fruit as I lived their lessons daily. All Summer while I traversed the West Coast, the vision of a new tattoo emerged on my skin, clear as day though yet visible by sight. It was a lightning bolt on my right ring finger. Lightning. Petrichor. Rain across the Mesa. The lightning bolt, to me, symbolizes a direct and masculine force; definitive choice and decisive action.
Up to this point in my life, I have relied primarily on feminine modes of being in the world. I’ve remained largely receptive and reflective, trusting the wisdom of my body and the messages of the Earth. And while this life-way is precious to me, and needed in this world, indeed — it no longer seems a complete or balanced way to approach my life. I am twenty seven and nearing my Saturn Return. Saturn rules structure, discipline, and boundaries. Saturn wants us to understand that the container is just as sacred as the waters which fill it. Saturn wants us to respect and acknowledge our limitations and clarify our intentions.
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Saturn makes sure that we know that when we
don’t make a choice, the choice is made for us.
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Recently I had the privilege of spending time with my dear friend Roxie and her newborn babe, Angus. Resting seaside on Vashon Island, we slept late into the day beside the Ocean and took long walks along the shoreline; gathered wild mussels on the rocks and spoke of all things, large and small. Roxie is someone I admire greatly. I treasure our friendship as well as the wisdom and beauty she shares so generously.
As a mother of three and a woman who walks gracefully in many worlds, Roxie’s perspective has been shaped by forces beyond my own experience. And for that, I am so grateful. During our time together, I was struggling with the consequences of some poor choices I had made and talking with her about the challenges I faced when it came to the indecisiveness that seemed to cloud my judgement daily.
Roxie is also an excellent writer and someone whose words I savor whenever I have the chance. She pointed me toward a piece she’d written about coming to recognize and acknowledge the power of choice shortly after she gave birth to her first child. Reading it sparked something powerful within me. Which led me to brush my teeth even though I was tired — a small choice. And to bigger choices as well — such as the launch of an exciting new project, which I won’t say much about now, but can’t wait to share with you.
The point is — we have choices. And it is up to us to recognize that we have choices. Maybe they are small, maybe they are large. But they are all important. And making these choices is actually what allows the guidance of Spirit to come through. Just as breathe and wind require the solid form of a flute to make sacred sounds, our choices provide a structure for Spirit to work within in order to consciously direct our lives.
So, I’ve written a guide that I hope that you will revisit on the regular. May it serve as a roadmap and a kind reminder of how to make choices that are good for you, not only in the moment, but within the wider context of the life you are being asked to live . . .